So, a few months ago, one of my friends gave me a bible promises book for women that she had leftover from a giveaway. It was good quality too: purple, leather-feel cover, all new. I accepted it because, hey, it was free (lol) and it looked nice. But for all intents and purposes it seemed almost too rudimentary for a seasoned believer like me. *nonchalant shoulder shrug*
I had all intents of giving it away as a Christmas gift unil on a whim I looked in it for promises about strength.
And that's when this verse hit me SMACK in the face:
"He energizes those who get tired,
gives fresh strength to dropouts.
For even young people tire and drop out,
young folk in their prime stumble and fall."
Isaiah 40:29-30 MSG (emphasis added)
It hadn't dawned on me until literally in that moment that 2020 would mark FIVE years since I dropped out of college. WHAAAAAAT? Five years ago I had no intention of ever coming back to school and to think...in 2020 I am on the precipice of finally graduating. GRADUATING.
FIVE YEARS ago I found out I was pregnant with my daughter
FIVE YEARS ago I was recovering from bulimia
FIVE YEARS ago I was still running from God and people
FIVE YEARS ago I was depressed and anxious
shoot, FIVE YEARS ago I was STILL smoking weed daily despite knowing I was pregnant!
To say that God has redeemed my life is an understatement!!!
When I left school in May of 2015, I had gotten kicked out of ROTC and lost my scholarship for failing the drug test. I had no clue how I was going to take care of myself AND a baby. On top of that, I was so exhausted from all the striving that I'd just stopped even bothering to go to class. Thankfully, my church family was there to love on me that semester and most importantly walk with me that summer.
In August 2015, I left Murfreesboro to go back to my hometown. I birthed my daughter in my hometown and didn't give a second thought to returning to school for 3 whole years. Then, in 2018 God put it on my heart that it was time to finish school. 😲😨😳 huh? I prayed on that thang for confirmation and sure enough the doors opened in ways I never thought possible. A few months later, my old college reached out to me to come back and finish my degree. Much to my delight, the process to re-enroll was unbelievably easy and on TOP of that I wouldn't need to start over. Instead, I could use the credits I'd already earned and put it towards a degree in Liberal aka Integrative Studies.
So not only did I not have to pay to re-apply, but essentially, I also could choose whatever classes I wanted to take**. 🤯 Come on God!!! 🙌🏾
In August 2018, my daughter and I moved back to middle Tennessee so I could finish my bachelor's degree. Never would I ever have imagined that God would or could bring me back to the very place that represented so much pain and failure and REDEEM it. Through His Word and His promises, He has taught me how to fight back the lies of the enemy that I'm just broken, unstable, and incompetent as a human. God gave me His Word as a weapon. God put me in a supportive blood family AND grounded me in a loving spiritual family. And this time around? College has actually been enjoyable. I'm not rushing, stressing, or cramming a bunch of classes in a semester. I'm not living an exhausting double life. I'm no longer hiding from people or God (lol). And most of all, I have PEACE.
Don't get me wrong, it has definitely been challenging. Juggling being a mom and a student has its fair share of exhausting days. But God has given me strength to keep going when I felt weak or felt like quitting, and most of all GRACE on the days when I dropped the ball (which frankly, was quite often 😝). So for that I say:
1Bless the LORD, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless his holy name! 2Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, 3who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, 4who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, 5who satisfies you with good so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s
*Psalm 103: 1-5 ESV
*emphasis added
** (In Integrative studies you choose two areas of emphasis/disciplines and choose 12 hours of classes in each of those areas. At the end, you do a Capstone Research project that synthesizes insights from each discipline.)