I am still reeling at the fact that it is an entirely new year again already. Wow.
For the past few years, God has given me a word that sets the tone for the year.
This year instead of one word, God actually put a few notions on my heart during our church-wide fast in January:
Resurrection
Expect More/Be open to what I have for you this year
Enjoy Me/BE with Me
Humble yourself/repent/confess
Thoughts
The main word was Resurrection; as in 2019 will be a year of Resurrection. What that entails exactly? I have no clue lol
I never really know until the year pans out. I do know that there are several aspects of my life that have felt dead or like they're on hold.
The rest deal more specifically with my relationship with God:
Enjoy Me/BE with Me
Perhaps one of the most difficult aspects of this particular fast was being still and silent before God. The fast was only 5 days, but with few hours at work, I was left with an insane amount of free time. This made me realize how much I tend to "do" for God, as opposed to relishing the chance to just be with God. How can I hear from God if every waking hour is filled with noise and distraction? Let me tell you, being still and silent before God is definitely easier said than done, but of course it's worth it. It showed me how much I still rely on me to get stuff done. As if by taking time out to spend with God, the world will crumble. That being said, I'm still working on being comfortable doing less and truly trusting God to show me what is priority.
Humble Yo'Self!
By January, I had begun to feel just...dry in our relationship. I felt distant from God despite doing all I knew to do. I was praying, worshiping, reading my Bible but I couldn't shake the emptiness I felt. After reading Emotionally Healthy Spirituality by Peter Scazzero, I learned that what I felt was normal. [If you haven't read it, I highly recommend it]
Eventually God brought Acts 17 to my mind:
26 From one man He made all the nations, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and He marked out their appointed times in history and the boundaries of their lands. 27 God did this so that they would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from any one of us.
This reminded me that God could never be distant from me despite what I felt. That gave me encouragement. Ironically though, it was through disciplining my 3 year old daughter that God truly brought the point home. I obviously still loved her deeply, but there was a temporary rift in our relationship because of her infraction. Despite me being right beside her spatially, there was now a distance between us emotionally.
And that's when it hit me. Outwardly, there was no obvious sin, but inwardly I was harboring unconfessed pride. So while it is true that God is never ever far from me, His Word also says that He resists the proud. Though I pray regularly it almost shocked me how little repentance and confession of sin is a part of those prayers. How arrogant of me right?! The truth is that without the obvious outward sins, I wasn't really aware of the more insidious internal ones until God brought it to my attention. So a critical part of our intimacy is consistently asking God to reveal the more subtle sins that would cause a rift between us. I've found that this also helps tremendously in my relationships with those around me as well.
Conclusion
I'll stop there because if I expound on everything, this post would be too long. But I definitely want to know if there is anything God has put on your heart for this year. If you feel comfortable, don't hesitate to share in the comments below!!
Be blessed yall 😉