*Deep exasperated Sigh*
On a bright note, today marks the first day of classes! This is what was supposed to be the first day of my last semester. Except, it seems not.
I woke up today with giddy excitement to check out the first online postings in the digital dashboard for my classes. For Spring 2020, I was supposed to have two classes listed: Senior Career Seminar and Intermediate Pilates. Except, Intermediate Pilates was nowhere to be found.
Slightly puzzled, but undeterred, I just figured the instructor hadn't bothered to upload the class documents. It is after all, a physical education elective course. The only "assignment" on the course schedule would likely just be to show up. So, I went to check my registration records (for the 100th time). Once again, I only saw the Senior Seminar course. Hmmm, that's strange.
Digging even further, I went to check the payment portal to make sure the tuition went through. *side eye* Stranger still, it now showed a negative balance that was not there before. A refund? How is that possible when I paid for tuition by the skin of my teeth??
This is odd. I needed the Pilates class to satisfy the remaining 2 elective hours to graduate so it's GOT to be there somewhere. Determined to get to the bottom of it, I went to the 2020 course catalogue and the Intermediate Pilates course was no longer even listed. WHAT?
Like, WHAAAAAAT.
But seriously..... WHAT?!?
Um, God this was supposed to be the semester I graduated?? Remember, I posted JUST last week about it?? Remember, it's in my prayer journal???
But, I was quietly reminded of this verse:
9 A man’s heart plans his way, But the Lord directs his steps
Proverbs 16:9 (NKJV)
Deep down, I could only chuckle in my spirit as a grounded calm washed over me. How many times has this happened? In my first round of college (circa 2012), I just knew I would graduate and commision as an army officer. I'd even naively posted on Facebook: "I'm going to graduate from MTSU in four years without coming back pregnant or losing any scholarships." You know what? After college had whooped my butt and made a whole mockery of me, Facebook had the audacity to bring up that post as a memory. 😂😂 Man, by that time I'd completely forgotten I'd even written that post, and I laughed a deep belly laugh at my pre-college arrogance. I had to eat ev-er-y single one of those words.
I'd thought I'd learned my lesson about having such solid plans and boasting of them until 2018. I'd announced to everyone that we were moving back to Middle Tennessee by August 20th. After all, I had prayed about it and had the faith for it! And further, I knew for a fact that God was calling me back to Middle Tennessee to finish school. Well, the week of the 20th rolled around and my potential roommate and I still had no concrete place to move in to. Man, if I didn't walk into church that Sunday with my tail between my legs. Everyone kept asking, "wait, why are you still here??" "I thought you'd be gone by now?" "I thought you were moving this week?" Sis, I'd thought so too. 🤷♀️
Even more recent still, in 2019 I just knew FOR SURE that I was graduating December 2019. I'd been diligently checking the Graduation Evaluation tool to ensure I had all the credits I needed. However, it turned out I had been misreading it the whole time and would still be short about two credits. WHAT? I had been running my mouth telling everybody I was graduating in December. Sis, you thought. 🤦♀️ LOL So, I'd settled in my heart that okay, perhaps God is helping me to slow down and not be so pressed. And you know, Fall 2019 semester was probably one of the most chill ones to date. I actually got to be more involved with the campus ministry since I had less classes.
So, as I sit here with this new detour in *my* life plan I just have to praise God. I could try to stress and find other courses to fill in that last two credit void, but I honestly don't think that's what I'm supposed to do. What I will do is seek God for confirmation. But I refuse to worry and I refuse to stress. Oddly enough, many of God's "interruptions" to my plans have paved the way to miraculous scenic routes I never knew I needed.
Listen.
Why are you so hurried? ( in a hurry)
I am the Father of time.
all time is in My hand
your whole life is in my control
( slow. down.)
don't be afraid of silence,
don't run from stillness
I am here with you.
relax, and BE with me.
Breathe. remember to breathe.
I am holding you.
*"Listen." has been the word I've gotten from God after a time of being still before the Lord. I am in no way insinuating that I am the voice of God lol. These are just the messages I firmly believe that God is pressing on my spirit at the time.